Well, I have been very remiss in keeping the blog up to date but it’s been very quiet here in the land time forgot. Until yesterday that is.
I think it would be true to say that this is pretty much a village of dog lovers. No, let me correct that; this is a village of dog owners and, in case you are assuming that dogs enjoy a better quality of life in the country, this is not always the case. For example, one neighbour keeps his two young, lively chocolate Labradors chained up on a tiny patio. And shouts 'Shut it' at them if they bark. Nice.
In fact, when it comes to dogs, some local owners are more than happy to flout the law if it doesn’t suit their way of life. But back to yesterday, when I found a rather confused Jack Russell in my front garden. I scooped him up and checked with various neighbours to see if anyone recognised him as, needless to say, he had no collar or identification tag (which dogs are supposed to wear by law when they are in a public place). However, by consensus, it was thought that he belonged to the double-barrelled couple at the top of the hill. Their dog had, apparently, gone AWOL before and is frequently seen running along the road when his mistress is out riding and out of sight. Like most dogs, he doesn’t have much, if any, road sense and has narrowly escaped being flattened under the wheels of numerous cars, much to the consternation of local drivers.
So, said dog was driven round to the Double-Barrels who were not at home. But a much younger, teenage version – Miss Snooty Double-Barrel – did eventually answer the door. And no, she wasn’t aware that a dog was lost but she’d have a look at it to see if it was theirs. And, surprise, surprise, it was one of the family dogs. She didn’t seem bothered or relieved but thanked me – as ungraciously as only a bored teenager can.
At this point, I thought I should mention to her that the dog should have been wearing a collar and an identity tag. “We do not put collars on our dogs; they go down holes and get strangled. Anyway, he’s microchipped.”
Well, no point in standing there arguing with Miss Snooty D-B, who struck me as a bit clueless, so I left. But no sooner had I turned into the road than the dog’s owner came into view with her horses, riding one and leading the other, and a bunch of dogs running all over the place. She forced her face into one of the rictus smiles she reserves specially for local riff-raff like me.
“I’ve just returned your dog,” I said. “I found him in my garden; he was shaking and very confused.”
“Thenk yow,” she said as she prepared to ride off, nose in air.
“But your dog didn’t have a collar or an ID tag on, so I had no idea who he belonged to.”
“We do not put collars on our dogs; they go down holes and get strangled. Anyway, he’s microchipped.”
Clearly they all sing from the same hymn sheet, which is not surprising as Mr Double-Barrel is a retired vicar or some such. (He’s supposed to have mobility problems but it doesn’t seem to stop him going hunting and he does rather resemble one of those extremely large, red-faced clergymen that you sometimes see in 19th century hunting prints. And he careers round our narrow lanes in his very large 4x4, never giving way. To anyone. And never acknowledges the fact that you’ve pulled your car right into the hedge, scratching its paintwork and snapping back its wing mirror to enable him to pass.)
“Funnily enough”, I replied, “I don’t have a microchip scanner hanging around the house.”
She rode off. Nose still in the air.
This morning, I found a very curt and very patronising note from the dog’s owner shoved through my door. Needless to it was on one of those rather smart postcards. You know the kind, with the address in a fancy – but not embossed so not quite top drawer - typeface across the top. A brief thank you for returning the dog and an equally brief sorry “for inconvenience caused.” I do hope she didn’t trip over the pile of recycling boxes and 10 bags of mulch as she walked up my front path.
What are these people like?
I could have got mad but I remembered that old aphorism about not getting mad but getting even, though when all’s said and done, she was breaking the law. Her straying dog could have been whisked way by the police and she could have found herself up before the magistrates, facing a hefty fine.
And I wrote a very friendly, very conciliatory short letter saying that it had not been at all inconvenient and that I was simply concerned with the dog’s welfare and about making sure that he was returned to his rightful owner. And if I found him in my garden again, even without any ID, I would be happy to return him - again.
But I did enclose a Dogs Trust fact sheet, which sets out the legal responsibilities of dog owners and has lots of useful stuff about collars and ID tags. I thought she might find it helpful; after all, I’m sure the Double-Barrels don’t want to add their names to the growing list of locals with a criminal record. Unless, of course, they think they're above the law and can get away with it...in which case they would be members of a very large rural club indeed.
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