When the unimaginable happens

I thought I might write something about my niece's funeral, which took place a week ago, about the gentleness of the words uttered in the country church where we said our farewells to her, about the sweetness of the songs sung in her memory, about the tidal wave of love that rose from those who had come to remember her and which, we hoped, would help to carry her children through the saddest day of their lives.

I would have written of these things if the unimaginable had not happened. On Tuesday, her mother - my brother's wife of more than half a century, the wife whose carer he has been for the past two years - died in her sleep. In the past year, my brother has lost two of his children and his wife.

Words do not usually fail me but, for once, I find myself struggling to find words to try to make sense of it all but there are no words; there is no sense to be made.

All I can do in quiet moments, is set down my memories of my vibrant, funny, loving sister-in-law, set them down before time begins to dilute them. 

Comments

[Claire]

I'm struggling to know what to say. I hope you can take some comfort from knowing that you and your family are very much in my thoughts. xx

[materfamilias]

I just posted (on the anniversary of my younger brother's long-ago death) the verse (#54) from Tennyson's In Memoriam that ends in that anguished acknowledgement that despite his efforts to trust in good, he is but "an infant crying in the night . . . and with no language but a cry." May somehow good be found in little corners of your life (and your brother's) to bring some consolation, some light. I'm so sorry for your losses.

[Moira]

You're right. That kind of loss in the space of a year is unimaginable. I hope that you will simply accept my sympathy and king thoughts for yourself and other members of the family, as well as for your brother. Remembering is good. xx

[Jay from The Depp Effect]

I am so, so sorry. There are no words that can possibly bring much comfort at this time, particularly from a stranger. I can only offer my sincere condolences and hope that time will prove to be the great healer that it is said to be.

[Jennyff]

I don't really have the words to express my condolences, I do feel saddened by what has happened. I hope you are finding comfort in each other and strength from somewhere.

[Sybil]

I wish I understood.
I wish I knew why things are as they are.
I do know that love is an amazing thing,
and I have hope ...

[Wendy]

dear
I have tears in my eyes as I this. I admire your tender words which shine with true feeling in the middle of an impossibly hard time for you and those around you.
Warmth
wendy

[Lisa Stowe]

I had no words until I read Sybil's comment and realized that this person found the words I sought. I, too, wish I understood these things. I hope your brother finds peace somewhere.

[60 going on 16]

I have been so touched by all your kind words; thank you so much, they mean a great deal. Yes, it is love that, ultimately, gets us through the very tough times like this. My surviving nephew - who is also my godson - says that my brother's strength through it all has been amazing and everyone is so proud of him. It's a strength deep-rooted in love.

And a footnote: Sybil, I have just realised that you are the same Sybil, who often appears, along with Wendy and Trey, in Lynne's Five Good Things! Can't imagine why it took me so long to make the connection . . .

[Dancing Beastie]

Like others I hardly know what to say. I am so sorry for you and your family for this dreadful loss upon loss. Like Sybil, I believe in love, and in hope at a hopeless time. And in the possibility of a loving God, made manifest in those people who try to make our path just a little bit more bearable in moments which would otherwise be unbearable.

[Lorraine]

I can only tell you that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Hoping the grief will ease soon and you will be able to find some comfort in the loving memories of those you've lost.

[Monica Eisenberg]

So very sorry your family is going through all this sadness and loss. Unimaginable indeed. My sincere condolences.

[Pamela (Lady Luz)]

So very sad to read of your recent losses, D. I'm late in doing this as I've been grappling with my own - 3 in the last 3 months.

One death was haunting me as I nursed a friend in the North until the end, but another wise friend gave me an image to hold in my mind when I think of the ending....that of a sunset - it is indeed a comfort.

[Nan]

There are no words for such a terrible sadness. My heart goes out to your and your family.